Why I Wish I Never Had a List of "Hot" Actors

In high school and into my college years, movies often went hand in hand with "hanging out" with my girlfriends, or unwinding at the end of the day with my sister, both of us flopped on my bed with a laptop {and sometimes a bag of microwave popcorn} between us. We liked the mindless entertainment, and we liked nonchalantly discussing which actors we thought were cute, and we didn't think anything of it.

One evening at college Bible study, we listened to part of a sermon series on Song of Solomon by Mark Driscoll that we had been going through, and it addressed, in part, the importance of your spouse being your "standard of beauty". All controversy surrounding Mark Driscoll {and potential controversy surrounding the appropriateness of a college group going through a sermon series on Song of Solomon} aside, this really stuck out to me:

"Don’t create a standard of beauty that is not your spouse and then compare your spouse to the standard of beauty. Have your spouse be your standard of beauty."
      ~ Mark Driscoll

I realized that while I was mindlessly watching movies, my mind was dangerously engaged in exposure to false standards of beauty defined by an airbrushed society, and while I was nonchalantly discussing cute actors, my mind was accepting those false standards. Because nothing is ever really mindless.

I wasn't married and I wasn't even dating, but I realized that night at Bible study that choosing to have my husband be my standard of beauty meant not having a standard of beauty at all until then. I wanted to honor my future husband even if I didn't yet know who he was, or what he looked like. So I chose to "reset" my standard of beauty, and in retrospect my mind really did clear in a way only made possible by God.

Even though I forgot all but the memory of that past standard, I wished I had never started a list of "hot" actors or spent so much time talking with girls about why someone was cuter than the next guy. Eventually I realized how pointless it had all been even if short lived, how superficial, how naive: that list and those conversations were nothing more than skin-deep whims based on fake photo and film editing. I wished I had instead remembered, or believed, really, how much deeper beauty is beyond outward appearance.

A year or so later, my husband-to-be first came to our college-age Sunday school class, and over the next twelve months until he asked me to marry him, I fell in love with how intentional he was and how he always made sure I wasn't cold and how he made me laugh, and without even realizing it I came to love, too, his beautiful eyes and the color of his hair and how tall he was. As I saw more and more what an amazing, Godly guy he was, he seemed to get more and more good looking.

And on our wedding day, when the doors opened and I saw him waiting for me at the altar, he looked flawless, perfect—because he looked like himself.

And to me, he still is and always will be the most handsome man in the world, because my husband is my true standard of beauty.


  1. Kel, I absolutely love this post. It is so true that outer beauty has nothing on inner beauty. And inner beauty can't help but spill over from the inside to the outside! I am so thankful that you see beauty in the way that God intended it. You inspire me.

    - Als :)