Afraid

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Few things have made my heart stop from fear. I think of most of them and immediately want to stuff my mind with something else.

One of them, the realization that it may not be God's will for me to marry someone and the wondering thereafter and several unusual conversations suggesting marriage is Biblically not better than remaining single, is not so painful a memory yet I remember fear.

I remember being afraid because I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I remember being afraid that I might not get to marry the man I had come to love and respect so deeply. I remember being afraid that God might have a different plan and I wasn't sure if I would be capable of not my will but Yours be done.

I want to follow, to be wholly surrendered, to be His. I want to die to myself.

In that case, God gave me the desire of my heart, a man who I am so lucky to follow and cherish for the rest of my life, and I believe it was because I was trying daily to be first desiring Him and His will. I know it may not always be a fairy tale ending. But I still want to be first desiring Christ, following Him and learning to sync my mind and heart with His, so that my will becomes His will. And I want to trust and not be afraid of what His will is for my life, because He is a good Dad.

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4 comments :

  1. Well said.
    Put God first and then He will give you the desires of your heart.
    So happy for you.
    Many blessings,
    Janis

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  2. thank you for sharing your thoughts today - very well said.

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  3. :) He is a good dad. The best! I have had many moments like this in my life. A pause in the pattern... where I look up and whine at Him, WHAAAAAT?! And then He puts His hand on my hair and gives me the desires of my heart. Not because I demand them, or deserve them... but because He loves me. To His glory.
    Great post!!

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  4. This is so beautiful! This is all He asks of us and He is so happy when we run toward Him. I am so glad He gave you the desire of your heart!

    Blessings to you!

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