Can I just be brutally honest with you? I don't love it here. (Ssshh, don't tell.)

I feel it has been good to be out on my own and work through the "grief" (as my Aunt called it, and I think she's completely right) of no longer being at "my home". I still miss my family and my church, but I feel I've been able to overcome the difficult, lump-in-my-throat heartache. I've met quite a few great people here, and I love my roommate. It's been a treat being "in a bubble", not having to worry about drugs, alcohol, or sex across the hall and being able to walk back to my dorm after night class without a second thought about whether or not some stalker dude is going to mug me, etc. I'm definitely not trying to brush off the pros, and there certainly are.

But I don't love it here. I feel stuck with the limited options for pretty much everything. I find myself wishing there were more groups to become involved with, because if you don't like the one related to your major that is in existence, well, do it anyway (if you don't, you "will not succeed").

But most of all, I am disappointed in the spiritual side of things. "Spiritual growth" was one of the huge factors in my interest in SAU. I wanted to have the community of like-minded individuals who encouraged each other to live for Christ; I wanted to have chapel every week and hear deep, convicting, challenging messages about God and His Word and how to obey and follow Him; I wanted to have fellowship with small groups and Bible study; I wanted to hear about service and ministry opportunities happening all the time, some that I would be part of. And I've felt this area has been the biggest let-down for me. I know not everyone here is a Christian or a genuine one, but I walk around campus without seeing much difference in the people here compared to at MCC, apart from them being characteristically college-age and smoke-free. I have been surprised with the often shallow, superficial messages in chapel (yes, I have been listening with an open mind) and some speakers whose words I really don't agree with at all. (There have been a couple decent speakers, admittedly.) I have enjoyed the few Bible studies our Village has done so far, but I don't want a pity party or an "emergent" study . . . I want to study the Bible! As far as outreach, I have heard mention of a few ministries, but have never seen or received any actual information. Yes, I can go off-campus. But I kind of wish I didn't have to, being at a Christian college and everything.

I feel like God might be nudging me in a new direction.

I've actually been considering transferring to a different college for probably a few months by now and "investing" myself elsewhere, as a former prof wrote in an email recently. :)

At first I was looking into colleges that offered a Communication Studies major. SAU offers a minor, but requires a concentration for the Comm. major (in my case, Professional Writing), although I'm not crazy about any of them. I tried finding a major that had classes that looked interesting, but to no avail. And so I decided to think generally.

I have been trying to trust God with this. I feel I have been able to more than I usually do, which has been encouraging and freeing. He has certainly shown me another possibility . . .

I was researching schools in Michigan that offer a plain, ol' Communication major, and happened to notice GVSU also has a Health Communication major, which is partially communication classes and partially science/medical/health-related classes. I started looking into the requirements and reading the class descriptions and getting excited. I guess I don't really know why. All I know is, it was like a breath of fresh air to feel a little interest in something.

I've been praying about direction in my life, praying God would open doors and lead me wherever He wants me to go. But I've also been trying to be proactive. I think this "discovery" is a little of both.

So I have an appointment with an admissions counselor in a week and a half. I'll be praying until then, trusting God with whatever happens in that meeting.

He is big enough.

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