Fly

For all my somewhat philosophical, lengthy posts about deep topics, I really am not as analytical as it might sometimes seem. Sure, too, the wheels in my mind turn a lot more than it might sometimes seem, but it's not usually high-tech ideas spinning. It's usually just plain old jumbled thoughts about gazillions of things. And lately one of those things has been a four-letter word: dorm . . . as in my up-and-coming.

Yes, the countdown to moving out (of my family's house) and moving in (at college) has officially started in my brain. There are approximately seven weeks until Labor/move-in Day. With that mental ticking comes that little voice of organization telling me I should at least start considering things I will take to my new home away from home.

Extra long sheets. A comfy chair. An alarm clock. Don't forget clothes.

There is admittedly quite a bit of excitement in thinking about having a dorm room and doing a little brainstorming and a lot of researching for what to pack (and what not to). As my Dad says: "Change is better than a rest." And I am, somewhat unconsciously, ready to have a life of my own and break free from the normalcy of living at home. As my younger brothers say: "When are you going to move out?" My family actually does love me, and I love them, but, though I don't feel caged, I do feel cooped up. So I'm flying. Or at least thinking I will.

. . . Spreading my wings 'til I learn how to fly, and doing what it takes 'til I reach the sky.

As my Dad says: "That sounds like a song."

In all seriousness, though, I've been getting a bit antsy and irritated about this upcoming adventure. After being personally responsible for every detail - class registration, schedules, etc. - at MCC, it has been very difficult for me to be so necessarily dependent on other people. My final transcript had been sent to SAU . . . but not received; my art portfolio was under review so that Drawing I would be waived, since I already took a drawing course at MCC; in the meanwhile, time was ticking for my chances at registering for another class in the ideal event that Drawing I would no longer be on my fall course roster; and, speaking of my dorm room, I had no idea where I would be staying, let alone with whom.

But, as I started to feel frustrated with more unknowns (and no ability to affect them), I also knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't the first, or last, time those feelings would creep in. So I started praying. And isn't it just like my Father to give me reassurance when I was struggling with even the simplest, almost petty details! My art portfolio was satisfactory, and not only do I not need to re-take Drawing, but also I was able to register for a required class - Intro to Graphic Design - that I really wanted to get into in the first place. Woohoo! Notifications about dorms and roommates will not be sent out until August, but my transfer rep did say there are still available spots in my first choice dorm. (Woohoo!) And as far as transcripts, a second copy has been mailed and hopefully will be received in the next week or so.

I know God is big enough to take care of all the little details, because He takes care of the major details in our lives, too. And I trust Him, just sometimes not as completely as I should. Maybe at some point I'll be able to just naturally trust everything to God in the first place, instead of going through stages of worry before I realize all I need to do is open my hands and give everything to Him. But for now, I keep pressing forward, trying to learn a little more every time I don't totally trust Him, that it's the only way to truly be free . . . free from doubt and anxiety.

I pray I will trust Him completely, with the big details and the small ones. Whatever I feel in the next few weeks about leaving home, starting a new phase in my life, acclimating to a new campus, new classes, and new people, and "flying the coop," as they say, I know I can trust that God will be with me, working out the details, giving me peace and courage.

With Him as my Guide, I will spread my wings.

And fly.

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