Yesterday was transfer student registration day at Spring Arbor University. The day itself went fairly well . . . honestly, as smoothly as it probably could have, considering I had no idea what to expect. After an hour-long session about financial aid, student insurance, community and campus involvement, etc., I was paired with a faculty member to register for classes. After two years of registration MCC style, with as much time as one takes beforehand to look over class descriptions, section days/times, and schedule possibilities, I was a little frustrated with registration, to say the least. It didn't help that the professor working with me was concerned with signing up for the first available sections without much thought to how the schedule or work load turned out. Another unique-ness was that spring classes were also registered for during the two hours given for registration.

I had my fall and spring schedules slapped together. And I also had a nagging doubt about "my" declared major (English Writing) again . . . misgivings that I had tried (fairly successfully lately) to forget. I felt the uncertainty and unsettledness come whamming back down on my mind and heart. I realized that for the past few months I'd not felt that weight of doubtfulness, and here it was again. I walked around campus briefly and was frustrated to feel both my discouragement about classes and uncertainty about my major beginning to put a damper on my excitement about attending SAU this fall.

Clueless. I am clueless. Right now the road ahead doesn't even seem a road . . . it is more like an inky blackness in which I see no trace of light, no vague thought about a career, not even a picture - no matter how unfocused - of what I see myself doing in a few years when I am no longer a student. I do so hate not having the answers. And so I got home, feeling hopeless and wishing it were possible for me to cry, since crying always seems to be beneficial . . . at least in books. Instead, I've been praying about the whole thing, which has been calming in more ways than one. In response to my "frustrated about unanswered questions that don't go away" status on Facebook, a dear friend told me to read two verses:
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."
~ Isaiah 55:8,9
These words of truth have been resonating in my mind since reading them this morning. Oh, how thankful I am that though I am small, my God is big: all-knowing, all-powerful, almighty. And He is infinite - infinite in power, infinite in goodness and love. "If our God is for us, then what can stand against?" He is the Good Shepherd; I am a sheep in His care. Even when I don't have a plan in my heart, I know that my Father will guide my life. He is big enough.
"A man's heart plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps."
~ Proverbs 16:9
So today I have been doing my best to be optimistic in the face of this discouraging uncertainty. On the other hand, I have been seriously considering - and researching :) - the possibility of choosing a different major. I know at this point it might be more difficult to do so, and I have no idea how that would work with registering for different classes, but trying to find a major that at least has interesting sounding class requirements seems reasonable.

I think I am the only one to ever read this blog, which is not an issue for me, but, in the case that another reader happens by, prayer for wisdom, guidance, and peace regarding this mess would be so appreciated.

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